I have returned to the motherland (where I practice motherhood on a daily basis) after attending BlogHer in San Diego this past weekend.

BlogHer is a 2-day, jam packed conference for women bloggers. It’s full of bloggy sessions, networking, an expo hall, parties and more swag than you can shake a stick at. Someone said it’s like Moms Gone Wild.

The conference has grown since the first one I attended 2 years ago. That one had around 1,500 bloggers, last year had about 2,500 and I heard some comments that there were up to 3,500 this year. I really don’t have quotable numbers. But I do know the conference has grown a lot.

That’s a lot of women bloggers. Sure people say men attend BlogHer but they are a real anomaly and are mostly seen in tiny numbers huddled at vendor booths or wearing blazers talking into walkie talkies.

BlogHer is all about networking – meeting as many people and making as many face to face connections as you can in the span of about 60 hours. If you didn’t have your elevator speech polished before, it’s definitely shiny by the end.

Instead of recapping, here’s my list of the Top 10 ways I must remember that I’m back in the real world…

1. I don’t need to hand my business card to everyone I meet.

2. I can take the lanyard off and leave it off.

3. I can drop my nightly party quota back to two.

4. I can’t go into a store then take anything I want off the shelves.

5. I must buy my own drinks and food.

6. I will not have to wonder why a man is attending the event I’m at.

7. I don’t need to add my blog and/or Twitter handle to the end of my name when introducing myself. “Susan Two Hands Two Feet.”

8. I can get some sleep.

9. I won’t continuously accumulate reusable bags.

10. I won’t regularly meet advertising celebrities. My favorite is the Charmin bear with the dead eyes hugging me while I’m sitting in a giant toilet. That’s the stuff of nightmares people.

It’s summer and the girls are in a summer camp-like program for 3 days a week while I work. It includes lots of playing, games, reading, crafts and swimming. The big thing for me is the swimming.

They get a half hour lesson every day along with a half hour of free swim. My 6-year-old is a fish. In the pool, she spends more time under water than above. This was going to be a highlight.

But on the first day, she had something happen where she went under water unexpectedly and gulped a bunch of water. When I picked her up that day, the teacher at the front desk explained that there was an incident, water was ingested, but she didn’t know much more than that. My daughter did not want to talk about it so I received very little info from her. I decided not to push it further with the school.

On Monday, she didn’t want to go to school – didn’t want to leave me. This was unusual for the kid who walked into the school on the first day and barely looked back at me.

That afternoon my oldest explained that the 6-year-old didn’t go in for free swim because her tummy hurt. I inquired about what happened, but again she didn’t want to talk about it.

The next morning I spoke with the regular teacher who said everything was fine and they would keep encouraging her.

When I picked them up that evening, the swim teacher grabbed me and asked me to please fix whatever is wrong with my daughter. She refuses to get in the water, gets hysterical, cries, and is a complete distraction to the rest of the class. The teacher said she was unable to give the rest of the class the instruction they deserved, because my daughter was taking all of her time. She then asked me to please “fix it” so my daughter would behave properly the next day.

Does she really want me to fix the trust between the swim teachers and my daughter?

I took a deep breath and explained to the teacher that whatever happened last Wednesday must have caused my daughter some severe anxiety about the pool. She was going to need to work with her to build up her confidence.

The teacher denied that anything had happened last Wednesday. I tensed up and explained that something definitely did happen last Wednesday and I indeed know that she was witness to it. She denied it again and I explained again. She then backtracked and said she just couldn’t remember what happened.

Red flag.

I went home and talked with my husband. I don’t want to be “that mom.” You know, the mom who stirs the pot, hunts down the administrator with Ted Nugent tenacity, then hog ties them with their own lanyard. I want to be flexible mom, cool mom, go with the flow mom. I wondered if the school would smile, nod, hear my concerns and then turn around and discuss behind my back how I helicopter, over protect and am all up in their business.

Well I am all up in their business. I will not stand for a teacher who speaks to me that way and is inexperienced to the point that she believes I can “fix” my child overnight. Someone needs to be hog tied.

As parents we cannot be worried about being viewed as “that mom or dad” when our children’s needs are in question. We cannot give absolute power to schools and teachers to resolve every issue that occurs within their walls. I want to have faith that they can take care of everything. After all, I am trusting them with the most valuable things in my life. But there are times that parents must step in and advocate for their children.

Call the Nuge, it’s time to go hunting.

I am a juggler. I balance motherhood with a part time job, school volunteering, daughter on-call, blog contributor…the list goes on and on. Sometimes I balance, most of the time I feel the scale tipping to one side and scramble to get it balanced before it starts tipping again.

The last two weeks have been a juggling challenge. First, my 9-year-old came down with a bad cough and cold. I stayed home for two days while she recovered.

I am lucky to be able to work at home during these times, but it’s so difficult to focus on a project when a pathetic “mommm” is coming from the couch. She needs water. A tissue. A snuggle. I stop what I’m doing and meet a need. Work a bit. Meet a need. Work a bit. It’s exhausting.

When one gets sick, the others will follow. This is what happened when my 5-year-old came down with said cold over the weekend. I missed another Monday of work.

Then Monday night the 9-year-old came down with a stomach bug. Not a violent one, but an uncomfortable one. She woke up Tuesday still complaining her stomach hurt. Send to school, wait for the call or stay home?

Again.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they are really sick or just rallying to stay home. I feel terrible but I tend to lean towards “you’re fine, try going today.”

When the 9-year-old woke up this morning after greatly improving last night, and complained of stomach pains I was stuck. I work 3 days a week in the office. In the past two weeks I’ve missed 4 of the 6. I HAVE to go to work. BUT I have an ill child.

We opted to rest for a bit and go in half an hour late. I dropped them off and the school nurse said a bug is going around where you feel sick with stomach cramps after eating. Bingo!

So it was most likely a bug and not pretending or dialing up symptoms or just something she ate. She did really need to stay home.

The nurse told her to come to the clinic if she felt bad and she would be sent home right away. She kissed me and walked down the hallway looking pathetic.

I rushed to work late for a meeting and behind in my tasks. But I was going to make it in.

I reached work, ran to my meeting, sat down and felt terrible. I didn’t choose my daughter. I should have stayed home with her. Or was she fine?

I felt guilt for feeling so pulled towards my job responsibilities that I didn’t put my daughter’s needs first. But sometimes, other responsibilities win out. Or was I just being selfish?

The constant juggling and balancing can drive you straight to insanity. When is the right time to choose motherhood and the right time to choose yourself? Should motherhood always win? Am I a bad mother or just delusional for attempting a work-home balance?

After many scheduling conflicts and acts of heroism, I finally met up with a dear and wonderful friend today. I won’t say “old” friend but we have been friends for a long time.

It was very important that we connected this week – she is moving to New York City on Sunday for an amazing job opportunity. She informed me a few weeks ago that she had gotten a job offer and was moving from Colorado to New York. I was at the least shocked. Not shocked that she had received a job offer, but shocked that she was moving to New York.

Without her family.

Her husband and four girls are going to stay in Colorado for now and potentially move out to NY next summer. Her oldest is in 8th grade, her youngest is in 3rd. Yes, she will travel back occasionally to visit them and sure she has Skype set up to chat every evening with them. But this move, this change made me stop and think.

Would I take a job across the country and leave my husband and children behind? I answered almost an immediate no. I have a hard time leaving them for an afternoon out. I desperately seek time for myself but I miss them when we are separated. I couldn’t imagine missing them in their Halloween costumes, hugging and kissing them every night before bed, volunteering in their classrooms. Holidays, outings, playtime, anytime. I couldn’t do it.

I was really curious to hear about the new job, the move and how their family was handling it all. I really wanted to hear how she planned to forge on ahead. Take on a new adventure without the family in tow.

We had a wonderful visit (too short of course) and caught up this afternoon.

She talked about how karma seemed to have stepped in and everything was fitting in place. How she was excited to take on this new adventure and role. She told me about her interviews and how it had all fit into place. The job holds a lot of great benefits and challenges. And New York City – I’ve never been, but the thought of living in the midst of diverse food, culture, people and music is so exciting.

I was envious. My chosen path seemed to pale in comparison.

Not envious in the hateful kind of way. I was excited. I yearned for a new experience to lay ahead of me. An adventure and new places to explore. I grew up in Colorado. I’ve never lived anyplace else. I tried to go out of state for college, but somehow fate and the path that lie before me kept pulling me back.

My friend is excited and feeling good about her decision. But of course, she is a mother and is worried she is being selfish. I think she is being strong and following her path in life. I think she is teaching her girls that is important to follow your heart and follow your mind. Her career is taking center stage in her life right now, but it doesn’t mean the girls take the back seat.

Technology will help bridge the distance. Tools such as Skype, email and scanners will help her see and chat with the girls every night, they can scan homework and email it for homework help.

Finding the calling. Finding the balance. Settling on a path while keeping a strong sense of yourself and balancing that with your families’ needs. It is an almost impossible task. The most important thing we can do is support each other as women and mothers. We must make decisions based on our own lives and beliefs and support the women in our lives when they do the same.

Along with my big-time New York friend, I also have a friend who just opened a dance studio, a friend who is following her dream of being an artist and another friend who is happy as a stay at home mom. I am so proud of all of them for figuring out what they need and want in life and following their path.

I feel I’m still finding my path. I still ask myself what I want to be when I grow up. I am envious of the New York job, but I think I’m more envious of the discovered path.

I love being a mom. I love being a professional. I feel like I spend more time and energy balancing motherhood with my professional life and my life vs actually finding which direction I want to take. My path, like others, has had many twists and turns. Even though I don’t feel like I’m on a clear path, I am on the path that I chose to follow.

New York is not for me, at least not now. Colorado is the place for me, for now. Motherhood and my career path are going where I want them to head. I’m willing to wait for the adventure. Or maybe just live vicariously through my friend.

Good luck in New York, D. I love you and will miss you being just up the hill. Go knock ‘em dead in New York.

Yes, I’m slow, but yes I’m getting this posted before I go to bed tonight.

Me, Amy (Crunchy Domestic Goddess) and my Sister In-Law Megan

I attended my first Mile High Mamas and Mom It Forward #GNO (Girls Night Out) last Thursday at the Randolf Restaurant inside the Denver Warwick Hotel. I’m pretty new and feel like I’m still getting my feet wet in the social marketing/ mommy blogger club. This night out was a great way to jump in the pool (literally).

Mile High Mamas and Mom It Forward chose A Day Made Better with Office Max as a charity to support that night. It’s a campaign to help end teacher funded classrooms. I was surprised but I guess not shocked that teachers spend a lot of money in their own classroom. As a parent, I feel like I contribute a lot to the classroom. The normal school supplies, Kleenex box, hand sanitizer, etc. But I also contribute extra supplies, science materials and activities, teacher treats, holiday party supplies, the list goes on and on.

When LM was in kindergarten, I purchased cleaning products for the classroom because the aide was rationing disinfecting spray and wipes because the classroom didn’t have the budget for it. How is this ok?

During the party, the moms attending brought school and teacher supplies to donate to A Day Made Better. We also all nominated a teacher we thought was deserving of the supplies. One teacher will win the box of supplies and a $1,000 gift card.

I’ve never been to the Warwick Hotel and thought it was interesting that it began as a Playboy Club in the 1960’s. It has the only rooftop pool in downtown Denver.

I had a lot of fun relaxing and getting to know some amazing Denver-area moms. Savvy moms. Smart Moms. Crazy Moms.

It was fun to see Amy and Barb and meet Amber, Ann Marie and Chris. I love all of your blogs!

Who knew I would begin the evening in cocktail attire and end it in a Charlie’s Angels pose? Thanks to all the women in the picture who invited me and my sister in-law Megan to join them even though they hadn’t met us previous to the picture.

I did leave a little too early(?) and missed the fully-clothed synchronized swimming/Charlie’s Angels poses IN the pool.

What an amazing group of women. My mouth hurt from smiling and laughing so much.

Thank you Mile High Mamas, Mom It Forward, Amber, Barb, Jyl and the Warwick Hotel. I can’t wait until the next get together.

I Had a Blast BlogHer09,  but Please Market to Me as a Professional Too!

I attended BlogHer09 over the weekend. I was really excited to go. It was built up as the women’s event to attend. Anyone who was anyone in the woman’s blog world was attending.

I didn’t meet a person I didn’t like. I didn’t meet a person who was unfriendly, rude or unaccepting. There was a warm and inviting aura around BlogHer. Everyone talked to everyone. There were no boundaries. Not a common thing in today’s society. Where was the cattiness, the judging, the categorizing? If it was there, I didn’t see it.

I watched Twitter updates for weeks about all the women shopping and planning wardrobes for BlogHer. I definitely brought way too many clothes based on the tweet watch. It was more casual and accepting than it appeared.

I came home from BlogHer with mixed feelings about the event. It was a lot of fun to meet women with diverse interests and backgrounds. It was awesome to meet women I follow on Twitter and in the Blogosphere. It was energizing to be in my element. Surrounded by bloggers and online social media strategists. There was a strong sense of community.

Overall I had a really good experience. It was so much fun and the networking was second to none. The parties I attended were a lot of fun.

I came home with a whole new view on Twitter. Different uses and strategies as well as friends to tweet with. I came home with ideas and directions for my new blog.

I really liked all the live bloggers at all of the sessions. I couldn’t attend two at the same time, so now I can go back and read about the sessions I missed along with read the sessions I attended for info I may have missed. It’s nice to have a record of everything to go back and reference.

BlogHer, as a professional development tool, left me wanting more.

In the Exhibitor Hall all of the exhibitors and sponsors were there to market to women and especially moms. Brand recognition and market saturation is important, but I expected more techie exhibitors. Word Press should have had a booth. Apple. Adobe. HP. Google. Where were the serious web and tech marketers? Instead of learning more about the tools I can use for my blog and social networking, I was approached by Wal-Mart, Tide, All, Mary Kay and Go-Girl.

I’m not saying there wasn’t a place for these brands at the conference, but where were the industry-related sponsors? If this is a conference for serious women bloggers then where were the serious online brands and companies?

The sessions. Several attendees had the same concerns as I did about the sessions. The sessions were good. I enjoyed the conversation and seeing a lot of people I follow online in live action. But I didn’t walk away from the sessions feeling like I learned much. I did learn something at each one, but I didn’t feel weighed down by the amount of information flowing from each one.

I did not attend a Geek Lab (which I heard some were informative.) The sessions I did attend, turned mostly into a discussion and forum for attendees to chat about their blogs and personal situations. While I think discussion sessions are good under some topics, I wanted some sessions to be more focused and more in-depth. Every session I attended only barely scratched the surface.

My favorite session of the conference was Mommy Microblogging with the Twitter Moms. It was my circle, the people I follow on Twitter and in the blogosphere and it was a good discussion about being a mom/blogger/social networker online.

I wanted to balance my experience with a great discussion with my peers and then go learn more about the field I am in.

I attended Business of You: Advanced Social Media, Syndication and Stats on Day 2. One of the panelists didn’t have much advice or recommendations for tools. Her answer was “just Google your question and see what comes up.” I don’t need to travel to a conference to learn how to Google for tools. I can do that at home. I want to hear what everyone else is using and their reasons.

Maybe BlogHer needs to have more level-based sessions. Offer an advanced or beginner session on a topic. Or offer discussion-only topics. The Geek Labs were a good start for this. But where were the workshops for people who wanted to drill down further?

Here are some suggestions I have for BlogHer10:

- Bring sponsors in that market to women and moms. But also market to me as a professional.

- Session topics that are meatier – Social Marketing, SEO (this year’s Advanced SEO was very beginner), How to Monetize Your Blog.

- More information about the panelists. I knew some of them going in and attended some sessions based on who the panelists were, but I also discovered bloggers and twitterers. If I didn’t recognize them, then I didn’t have any more info on them. List all panelists by name, blog/website and Twitter handle on the agenda. They will be able to pick up new followers easier.

- A dinner break would be nice.

- An even stronger focus on going green during the conference.

- Better Wi-Fi. I fought keeping service the entire time. There were session rooms where I couldn’t get online at all.

- Better sound. I almost walked out of a few sessions because my ears hurt from all the feedback.

What is your feedback from the conference? What would you change for next year? Are you planning to attend next year? Do you agree or disagree with my opinion?