My oldest is 8 years old this year and I’m proud to say we have never been caught up in trying to find the most popular Christmas toy. I’ve never had to search the Internet, go store to store or get into mom fights at Wal-Mart.

Until this year.

I decided I was going to be early this year. I began my serious Christmas shopping the end of October. The week before Thanksgiving, I asked my 8-year-old what she was planning on asking for Christmas. She replied with “a Zoo Zoo pet hamster.”

Okay, I can research. I had never heard of a Zu Zu pet before, but I can Google. I went online and found Zhu Zhu Pets on Amazon. One little hamster was $69.95. Okay. Ouch. Santa can’t afford a $70 fur ball that makes sounds. A few more clicks brought me to walmart.com. Zhu Zhu Pets there were $8! Way more my, I mean Santa’s speed.

One problem.

Sold out.

Target. Sold out.

Toys R Us. Sold out.

Uh oh. Santa is in big trouble.

I scanned the Internet looking for someone who had one. Just one. My desperation began to get the best of me. As my brow became furrowed and sweat began to form, a story came on the news about Zhu Zhu Pets – this year’s hottest toy. And yes people, they are scarce.

Come on people, are there really that many of you early-birds out there that you already knew this was the hottest toy this year…before Thanksgiving?

I found about a million for sale on eBay. Yay.

Problem. They were going for over $40 each.

What?

Yes, I will confess that I watched auctions. And yes, I found one that was inflated, but wasn’t $40 and I took the dive. I’m ashamed to admit it, but yes, I purchased one. I felt relieved that Santa was going to be able to come through.

I know this is my 8-year-olds last Christmas believing in Santa. I’m surprised we made it this far. I LOVE being Santa. It has been a favorite moment of parenting for me. The myth of Santa brings out hope, joy and magic. What would the world be like if Santa existed today? One night a year, you could make a wish and have it come true.

I have cherished every year of being Santa for my girls. I wanted Santa to go out with a bang. Bring an unattainable toy to my hopeful little girl.

I have felt good that Santa did his magic and will deliver Christmas Eve night one more time. Yes, I got caught up in the craze, but I didn’t get overly crazy.

I bought a yellow hamster for my daughter. Yellow is her favorite color.

As I was waiting for it to arrive in the mail, she informed me that she isn’t interested in the yellow hamster. She wants a brown one called Mr. Squiggles.

Santa, oh Santa, how will you pull this off? You bought a stupid yellow one, when she really wants the uber-cool brown one. Damn.

My daughter flatly told me the other night that I’m really Santa, because I stay up later than her. I asked her what made her think that. She didn’t really respond. I decided to have some fun with her and I told her that her precious Zhu Zhu Pets are unavailable everywhere. I can’t buy her one for Christmas. Santa’s the man for that. I told her to ask Santa for a hamster and see what happens, because dear old mom can’t find them anywhere. She began to believe a little bit.

I wanted to play with her one more time. Just one more Christmas with a Santa visit. Then I’ll come clean. I promise.

Then today, as I was finishing up my Christmas shopping with my 4-year-old at Target, we found the Zhu-Zhu Pets house. I grabbed one as if there were others around me. Stalking the Zhu-Zhu Pet house. But no one else seemed interested.

No actual Zhu-Zhu Pets in stock, but now Santa had a house for the uncool yellow hamster.

Stop.

Little sister knows I bought the house. Santa didn’t. Damn.

I asked my brother to look at the Target near his house for Zhu Zhu Pet stock. He told me people at Target laugh at people inquiring about Zhu Zhu Pets.

He called me this afternoon to let me know that his Target had a bunch of little rodents in stock. I told him to get the brown one. The brown one! Then I heard my niece in the background. She knows he is buying the brown one for my daughter. Damn. Shit. And damn! (Yes kids, Santa cusses when caught up in the moment.)

I’m still not sure how I’ll pull of a gift from Santa this year. Santa may have to just come clean and admit that he doesn’t exist. But Zhu Zhu Pets do. And they are now available in select locations.

Goodbye Santa. And the Easter Bunny. And the tooth fairy. And maybe a few menacing leprechauns. It’s been a lot of fun. We will hopefully have you for a few more years for little sister. As long as big sister isn’t a blabbermouth.

My husband and my brother think I’m crazy. Any ideas for me? I have built a house of Zhu Zhu cards that is crumbling at every turn.

Literally.

A few days ago, LM asked me if it was okay if she used an “adult” plate. We have always had fun kids dinnerware in our house. I don’t know what it is, but the dinnerware has always been symbolic of childhood. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have fun kids plates, cups, bowls and silverware when I was a kid. Maybe I just thought it was a symbol of having kids. My Little Pony, Dora, ladybugs, Nemo and more, we have it. Ever since LM was moving beyond babyhood and into childhood, we have had the plasticware.

My husband hates it. It’s all hand wash or top rack dishwasher safe. It doesn’t stack neatly in the cabinet. He’s been counting the days for the girls to be done with it.

I’ve been counting the days, not for them to get rid of it, but for them to move on to more grown up dishes. I knew this day would come. And I knew I would be sad.

When LM asked to move up in dishes, I embraced her decision and encouraged it. While I quietly sighed on the inside. I love witnessing the milestones. I love watching them grow up. They are bittersweet as I know they are moving closer to teen then adult then out of the nest.

Isn’t this why I became a parent? To help guide and teach my children to become responsible citizens of the world? I also became a parent to enjoy my children and revel in the little things. And fun kid dishes.

I knew this day was coming. LM is 8 and I’ve been surprised we’ve made it this long.

It’s time she moves up.

The same day she made the switch, she also took the vacuum out and went over the floor, saying adults keep things clean. We also went to Target and bought grown up shampoo, because the kid’s shampoo hasn’t been doing it’s job. We also picked up some full-sized hangers, because her clothes have begun to slide off the kid-sized ones. She had to call her grandparents that night to let them know she was moving towards adulthood.

Tonight, after being excused from dinner, she quietly went up to her room, closed the door and had some alone time. She has never needed “alone time” unless she was up to something before this.

The second grade has brought us showers instead of baths, chores, allowance, mood swings and a goodbye to Dora. I knew all of these milestones were on the horizon. I just wasn’t prepared to reach the horizon so soon.

Weren’t we just singing Itsy Bitsy Spider and playing Candyland?

It’s all a part of growing up. The milestones, however bittersweet, are welcome. I enjoy watching my baby grow into a beautiful pre-teen. If there was only a way to pause her for a little longer.

I’d settle for a milestone a month. Let’s not jam them all into one week. My sentimental heart can’t take it.

I’m having my own pity party today. My husband found out that his company is re-locating to downtown Denver. The change will add about 30 minutes to a commute that is currently 10 minutes.

This changes a lot for us. He can no longer just run in to work for a short time or run home when needed. He will no longer be able to help me with kid transportation. He won’t be home in the morning to help prep the kids for school and he won’t be home until dinnertime or later.

I think I just became a weekday single parent. I know many moms do this regularly, but having my husband more available has spoiled me.

My husband is an amazing man. He works full time, makes dinner most nights, folds laundry, does dishes, coaches soccer and drives bedtime while I work and catch up with my duties. I’m so very thankful for everything he does and everything he is.

But I can’t help but feeling like I am the driving force in our family. I meal plan, do the majority of driving kids, do all the shopping, majority of cleaning, family event planning, school volunteering, etc etc. And I work at a job 20 hours a week.

I know I know, what I wrote above is a basic job description for “mother.”

It’s hard. It’s really hard. And it’s about to get harder. Some of my husband’s duties are moving back over to my plate.

I sneak in time for myself here and there. Mom meet-ups, job requirements, haircuts (oh wait, that’s usually with kids in tow).

I can’t help but miss my life pre-children. I miss my friends. I miss meeting for coffee without a play date attached. How much connecting and chatting can you do while chasing children?

I miss sitting and reading a book without interruption.

I do love motherhood on most days. I love hugging, kissing, snuggling my girls. I love watching them grow and learn new things. I don’t know what I would do without them. I can’t believe how much love I have for each one of my children. It doesn’t seem humanly possible.

Life moves way too fast now. I feel like I’m in constant motion all the time. I also feel like I can’t multitask enough just to keep my head above water. If I’m playing with my kids, I feel guilty for not cleaning the house or working. If I’m cleaning, I feel guilty for not spending time with my kids or working. If I’m working I feel like I should be playing with my kids or cleaning.

When I’m in constant struggle to keep everything together, when do I slow down and enjoy life? I try, and we take many family field trips. I enjoy them but know that the field trip is only putting me behind in my other two major duties.

I also remind myself that someday, all of this will be over and I will yearn for the days when my kids were young.

How do you keep it all together and enjoy the ride?

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

The houseboat in Knowles Canyon, Lake Powell

We just returned from a long weekend with my in-laws at Lake Powell. The Glen Canyon area is absolutely beautiful and stunning. My in-laws fell in love with the area years before I met my husband and own a houseboat there.

D and I spent a few days at Lake Powell with the in-laws before we had children. It was interesting to say the least. We haven’t been back since. The girls were just too young. A houseboat on a very deep lake is not a good place for a baby or a toddler.

My girls are now 4 and 7. We decided this was the year we would take the girls. We had to wait until fall…the last time I was there, it was 120 degrees in the shade. I love the heat, but not that much heat.

This time it was a totally comfortable 95 to 100 degrees.

I went in to the trip knowing I wasn’t going to do much relaxing. My 4-year-old can swim a bit. She just doesn’t float so well.

The girls spent a lot of time in lifejackets AND near the railing.

I didn’t relax. The girls went crazy when we arrived at the boat. They ran everywhere. Up, down, along the sides. Anywhere and everywhere they could go. They also loved the ability to walk right over to the edge, stare down into the deep water and watch fish swimming.
They saw the beauty, the fish, the adventure.

I saw the beauty, the danger, the fish, the danger, the adventure, the life or death.

This was a vacation to enjoy and survive.

I have always had a fear of the water and drowning. It’s definitely number one on my top ten list of ways I don’t want to die. This vacation was not helping the situation.

I had to know where my kids were at all times. Leaving them in the back of the boat while they played on the bunks was not an option. I watched them constantly. I worked to keep them within arms length at all times.

I had to remind myself to breathe. Watching my daughters’ every move was innate.

Swimming definitely challenged my nerves. Even in lifejackets

I didn’t do a lot of relaxing, but I was able to sneak two naps in while D and the in-laws took over the life-watching. It was difficult, but I knew I had to take a break to keep my sanity and cool. I also tried to not let my travel companions see me sweat. I wanted the girls to see there were dangers, and they had to follow the rules. I didn’t want them to be too scared to have fun or paralyzed with fear. Teaching my girls to be cautious, serious and safe at the right time but not to allow their fears to take over is a very difficult task.

I tried to be relaxed. Cool. Fun. I succeeded at times and failed at others.

By the third day, I was relaxing and feeling better. I didn’t let down my guard, but I began breathing and smiling again.

The girls had a really good time. Despite my fears, I had a really good time. There is so much to do and learn at Lake Powell. I will save the learning at Lake Powell for another post.

It was so good to get away from everything (and I mean everything) for a few days. No phone calls, no electronics, no computer, no TV, just family and nature. Yet another future post…

Driving home I felt rested and relaxed. I also felt good that we had escaped from Lake Powell without any disasters and with our lives.

Bucket brigade during Field Day 08

My daughter, LM’s school does things a little different for their Field Day. It’s this week.

The gym teacher says he likes to hold Field Day in the fall, because the fields are in better shape in the fall and because it gives the parents a chance to be social and meet each other early in the year vs. at the end of the year.

When it happens isn’t a big deal for us, but this year LM has become very stressed out about Field Day.

She hasn’t been able to go to sleep the past several nights because she is so worried and upset about participating in Field Day.

LM is a lot like me. I too in my youth was very stressed about performing at any level in front of people. I didn’t want to look bad. Heck, I didn’t want to look average. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform at the top level all the time.

So I can understand why she’s upset. I just don’t know how to help her through this.

As a parent, I’m excited to go to Field Day. This year it’s on my day off and my husband and I have made plans to watch all day. I had fun for the partial day I was able to attend last year. I enjoy it especially because I can spend time with LM and share a part of her life (her school life) with her. It’s a special treat for me to spend time with her during the school day.

As a student, LM is stressed about performing. She is stressed about doing events she doesn’t like (the long distance run). She is very focused on whether or not she is good at an event.

We spent time tonight focusing on questions like “Does anyone win all blue ribbons?” “What events are you good at?” “What events do you enjoy?”

But I’m not sure she’s buying it. She is so focused on the dislike and the potential failures that she isn’t seeing the fun, the joy and just the participation.

LM was in first grade last year and participated in Field Day. It was an emotional day for her (she’s always been sensitive) but I thought overall she was excited and had fun. She carried her ribbons around for weeks and months after and showed them to everyone that paused to look. She wasn’t focused on performance as much as she was focused on me watching her and being in the moment. I’m not sure what has changed for this year.

Any suggestions or ideas to get LM through Field Day with at least a smile on her face?