As we were driving to a hospice meeting for my grandmother today, my oldest stated out of the blue, “I’d like to see Grandpa Wells.”

I almost slammed on the brakes. She knows he is gone. Then I realized we were passing Fort Logan. He was supposed to be buried in Fort Logan.

When he was sick and all hope was lost, my dad told me he wanted to be buried in Fort Logan with full military honors. I had sobbed through all of it as we talked about his two tours in the Colorado National Guard. He told me about being sent up Mount Evans to fight a fire and how he trained and was placed on 24 hour notice to be shipped to Germany during the Cuban Missile Crisis. He served his country between the Korean and Vietnam wars. He gave several years of his life to training in the National Guard and even achieved officer status before being honorably discharged, fortunately before the Vietnam War.

I researched his eligibility to be buried in Fort Logan. First research brought an answer of no. Additional research and a call to Fort Logan brought an answer of yes, as long as he had certain discharge papers. He did. And Fort Logan said he was eligible.

I promised him a full military burial at Fort Logan, just as he wanted. His eyes lit up at the thought of taps being played, the flag folded and the gun-salute.

After he passed away, Fort Logan sent his papers through the national offices for final approval. We made plans for the burial he wanted. Then the national office came back and regretfully told us he didn’t see active duty, and was therefore not eligible for military honors. It didn’t matter that he had served, the military rejected him. I was heartbroken.

I highly respect the members of our military and the sacrifices they and their families give to our country and our freedom. But I am so saddened that military recognition comes with limitations. I understand that active duty personnel are in dangerous situations and risk their very lives, but our troops at home and overseas at times of war and at times of peace are not eligible for military recognition based on the duties they perform. If you serve our country and make the commitment to see active duty if necessary, you should receive recognition for your sacrifice and time. All military troops should receive the same recognition. My opinion.

We re-focused and planned a new service. It was explained to my daughters, but somehow they didn’t remember today.

Laurel began innocently asking me questions about where he was if he wasn’t buried at Fort Logan. I teared up and tried to explain the back-up plan. She became uncomfortable and whispered to her sister “quick, change the subject.”

She’s perceptive. We’ve since talked about it being okay to talk about grandpa. It’s okay to get teary or sad. We are all still grieving. But that car ride was tough this morning. It froze me. I couldn’t think fast enough to explain what happened without falling apart or becoming unable to drive.